Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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