I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
