So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
