You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
