no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
