fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
