she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
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