I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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