I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
