i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
