remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
So I just went to clothing optional bar
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Randomize
