She is in my trunk
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
