Whatcha textin bout Willis?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
