Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
The Olympian is in my bed
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
