Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
This baby is an asshole
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Randomize
