??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
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