In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
