Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
