first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
