Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize