I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Randomize
