i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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