We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Randomize
