Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
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