go do what you do best...puke behind churches
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
