i permit you to call me
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
