just tell him i said nine months
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
