Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
