I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
