Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Randomize
