tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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