how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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