I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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