What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
