The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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