I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
