i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
