Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
