Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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