im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Swine flu is the new snow day.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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