i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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