The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
