Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
