Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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