When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
