I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
