They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
