the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
