oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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