I wanna bring you to show and tell
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize