I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Randomize
