i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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