I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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