she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
