What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I just found puke in my bra..
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
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