I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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