we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
