I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
