I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
