i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
