If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
