Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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