i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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