piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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