i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
