She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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