So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
