just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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