His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
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