How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
