matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
