You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
