drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
