At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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