I wish I could teleport
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize