when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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