Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
