the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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