So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
