Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
