Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
