Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
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