Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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