I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
