drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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